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Saturday, August 22, 2009 . 10:27 PM

There's No Place Like Home

I always thought the phrase was a cliche, until now. i felt the full blown homesickness today all of a sudden. i missed my family so bad. i missed my friends in KL. I was standing at my balcony today, and suddenly i wanted to be in KL so bad; in the comfort of my home and my parents near by. I walked into the apartment, and I felt so lost.

I used to worry about my siblings when we were together in the same house. My brother and I, we don't talk much. Mainly because he is one that doesn't open up to family. He would rather go to his friends and tell them his problem. I wonder if I could be there for him just a little bit more, he would probably be my best friend. And my sister, I worry about her even more. She was always so naive, and she has never really seen the world. I was so scared that their being in Ireland would be too much for her to take. I thought that it would be a good experience for them.

Now I admire how much they have grown. I don't know how they were able to be so far away from home and still be able to soldier on. Maybe they had each other. Maybe they were much tougher than I give them credit for. Maybe I was the one holding them back from growing into their full potential. Pr Eng Eng once said that I must not carry the role of a parents to my siblings. I can't help it. I feel like I need to be there for them. Now I wish I had their courage, their will.

Now I wish there's someone to be there for me. Someone I can talk to without worrying about how they think about me, someone who can be serious and support me when I am on the verge of breaking down.

Back in KL, I had many of such friends. Troy, Chi Yao, Joel, Kau Sern, Pr Foo, Aunty Lisa, Pr Eng Eng, Jason, Ralph... the list goes on. I knew I would never have to walk alone. I knew i will always have someone to turn to. Here in KT, i need to start building relationship again. It's not easy.

And back in KL, there's always my parents. Maybe I don't say it often enough. But I really missed them. Even if it means sitting at home, in silence, I would still have felt that the mere presence of them would be comforting enough. I wished i had my parents here... Then at least there will be those dinner times, where we would talk and laugh about silly things.

Still, I am learning to cope with it. I know people will say, just look to God and He will pull you through. I just hope sometimes God can appear in front of me and tell me what to do.

I really miss KL. I miss the times where we would hang out in church and stand in circles while deciding where to eat. I miss the times where I can wait for my dad to come home with newspaper so I can read it. I miss the time when my mum asks me what soup I want to drink. The simple things in life is always taken for granted. And now, I know i would appreciate it even more when I see it.

God, won't You just speak to me and tell me what to do?

( A MOMENT OF RHEMA HERE>I just realised that I have been focusing a lot on me. This world is a lot bigger than me. I need to look further than what my needs are, and start focusing on the need of others. there are people who are in more pain than I am)

Thank You GOD. :)

Tuesday, August 11, 2009 . 8:55 PM

I never realised how much i took for granted my Saturdays, my time with friends, family and my time in KL. that is after i spent a month away from home and then getting to go back to KL. which reminds me, chi yao, i still need to pay you.

I got back to KL 10.20pm on 6/8/2009. a good friend of mine came and picked me up. and we are headed off straight to our friend's place to have a drink. it was nice being able to catch up with them, some leaving to UK soon. some i have not seen in months. it was a fantastic time. But the better surprise was waiting at home. mum made chicken soup for me, with added nutrients of bird nest and shark fins. i heard my dad got jealous

i spent the whole morning with my mum. and taught her how to facebook. after which i went over to bestie's house. yes, the same guy who set me up on gotcha. he called a few friends over, then we spent the afternoon playing board games. (IM the boss, Manila, Dragon delta, Streetcars)

then caught up with another friend in Solaris. having a drink with a friend while listening to live band is a type of pleasure you don't get everyday.

i spent the whole saturday at home with my parents. its not that we talked a lot, or did everything together. but the mere presence of each other just made it so special, so homely. that trip to the airport was especially hard, because once again im leaving the comfort of my house. that hug from mum and dad never felt warmer.

currently there are h1n1 cases in KT. so i got to be careful. note to self, more vitamins.

i will be back soon.