Monday, October 06, 2008 . 10:18 PM
this is first of all meant to be rants... of my life, where i need a place to dump my emotions. so bear with me.to whoever,
i realise the problem between you and i. the problem is when i hang out with you, i hang out with friends whom i know through you. being a friend, you taught me not to bypass your friends. guess what, that means i cannot actually meet up with these group of people without telling you or you around. but guess wat, i am already not in your inside circle. i was excluded a few times from few things... you don't always call me for things... i understand, can't pin that on you... those are your friends, whom you know better and for longer time. its my mistake for putting myself so much into this friendship. i deserve to be lonely for my own stupidity. reli, its not entirely ur fault, its mine for being so dependent on friends... maybe i am tryin too hard to be accepted.
dat said and done, u still mean a lot to me. dats why i consider u my blood brother. i will still do anything for you, you taught me that. but i try not expect anything major from you anymore. lest i get hurt everytime it fall short of expectation. but when it does come through, it will be a pleasant suprise. u said u still treat me like a brother, but i feel like we are drifting apart everytime, and its not getting any better. i dunno if ur hiding behind a facade. i wish u wudn just say everything is ok, or just leave it. at least i noe where i stand. then i dun haf to try so hard to find out what u think. forgive me if i seem distant or on the outs... its my defense mechanism talking... i guess the only way to make this less painful is for u to decide that i no longer am fit to be ur friend. so forgive me for distancing myself. and i noe for sure u wud never read this... so at least i spoke my mind... maybe not to u.. but its out of me... less frustration, anger, disappointment, resentment.
feel so much better...
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